"Battleship" trailer...no, really

So apparently the very idea of making a movie out of a board game wasn't enough stupid for them. They had to throw in the Decepticons.

This honestly could not look more like fail if it tried. Sure we already knew that a Battleship movie would have next to nothing in common with the actual game aside from the title and involving battleships in some way. After all the game has no recognizable story or characters for them to adapt. At least Candyland has characters and locations and could conceivably be made into a Hanzel & Gretel-meets-Alice in Wonderland style kids movie. But a Battleship movie would presumably just be a generic Naval war film.

But NO. They couldn't stop there. A well-known brand name alone does not a blockbuster make. And so we get this utterly blatant attempt to ape the Transformers movies. Seriously, you could rewrite the title card to say "Transformers 4" and you wouldn't notice anything amiss.

Oh, and they don't show her in the trailer, but Rihanna is in this. Yup. She's making her cinematic debut. Joy. Look I know a pop star turning out to be a good actress isn't unheard of, but for every Justin Timberlake there are dozens of Britney Spears's (and yes, she had a stab at an acting career).

You know, whenever people hear about things like this: remakes, adaptions, etc. they always say Hollwood is out of ideas. Not true. Hollywood is swimming in good ideas. They're just running out of marketable ideas, or at least they think they are. There are tons of comic books and novels begging for a movie, tons of enterprising young filmmakers with great scripts and ideas. But nobody's ever heard of them. And I think that's what pisses me off about this the most. Sure we could make great movies out of Hawkman, the Suicide Squad, the Spectre, hell, even Ragman would make a pretty awesome flick! Oh, but those things are only popular with a niche audience. But everybody's played Battleship! Sure it has no plot and people will make fun, but who cares, it's brand recognition! Guaranteed box office hit! Greenlight that shit!

Anarchy at the Movies: Captain America: The First Avenger

Joshua the Anarchist reviews the best movie of the Summer.

Your Daily Dose of Awesome

OK, I still have zero hope that the Spider-man reboot will be anything more than bland and unnecessary. But this...well played, Mr. Garfield.

"In Time" trailer

Oh, hell yeah.



For those not familiar with Andrew Niccol, he's a director who specializes in my favorite kind of movie: high concept science fiction. He wrote and directed Gattaca & S1m0ne, AND scripted The Truman Show. This is his first sci-fi film in nine years, so needless to say I'm pretty psyched to see this. Gattaca & The Truman Show were masterpieces, and this looks to be in the same vein of thinly veiled science fiction allegories used for the purpose of social commentary.

Sure it's more science fantasy than science fiction, for example the premise involves a technology that switches off the "aging gene". I'm terrible at science, but I'm pretty certain no such thing exists, it's just the nature of matter, organic or inorganic, to break down over time, so it's more like they rewrote the laws of physics. Still, that's pretty much how Niccol's films work, the story isn't about how whatever sci-fi tech involved works, but about how it's presence affects the characters lives.

So yeah, definitely one to look forward to. Probably gonna fly under the radar for most people considering the release date unfortunately, but I'd encourage you all to check it out, or at least hunt down Niccol's other work if you haven't already.

"The Amazing Spider-man" Trailer

It's finally here, the first trailer for Mirror's Edge the movie--I mean, the Spider-man reboot.



Yeah, I'm not a gamer, and even I immediately made the connection after that first-person platformer shot that takes up half the goddamn trailer. Also, why did the spider bit his neck instead of his hand? NERD RAGE!!

Well, nitpicks aside, there's really nothing terribly wrong with the trailer. Honestly, the movie probably won't be horrible taken on it's own, and I never thought otherwise. The problem with this whole reboot idea is in concept. It's not just that it's unnecessary, that's obvious to anyone who was alive when the first Spider-man movie came out, which I'm guessing is most of you. But the fact is, while the first film is not that highly regarded in comparison to other superhero films (it's liked but not loved, vastly eclipsed by the way better sequel), It has been around just long enough to have proved itself a classic. Everybody saw it, everybody remembers it. Everybody remembers the upside down kiss, the opening narration etc. It's embedded itself into pop culture in a lasting way. An to remake it so soon it nothing short of laughable. It not like The Hulk, where the just calling a do over after they tripped at the starting line. This is them scrapping the franchise after ONE critical failure of an otherwise successful series of films, even though it still made a profit. What, THIS is the franchise where Hollywood actually listens to the critics? What happened to that attitude when they were making the Transformers movies?

John Carter trailer

UPDATE: Now that the movie's out, I've made a video review of it you can view here.

It's about damn time.



Seriously, how is it that we're only NOW getting a John Carter of Mars movie? Imagine if the upcoming Conan reboot was the first time that character has ever graced the big screen? Edgar Rice Burroughs' Barsoom novels that began with A Princess of Mars in 1917 is one of those essential examples of pulp sci-fi that pretty much every major space opera owes its existence too. Before Slave Leia, Dejah Thoris was THE sex symbol of geek culture. Hell, she arguably still is.


Even if you've never read the novels in your life, you probably recognize the above image. Frank Frazetta's paintings are a large part of what kept franchises like Conan & John Carter in the popular culture, or at least nerd culture. So tell me: with a classic franchise this old and this culturally significant, why the hell did the fucking Aslyum get around to making a movie out of it before Hollywood did?!

Not that the trailer looks super-great or anything. It's pretty discouraging when the two most visible leading actors are best known for being in X-Men Origins: Wolverine. Although apparently Willem Dafoe is playing Tars Tarkas (think Goro from Mortal Kombat but green). I'm curious as to whether he with be physically playing the role or just voicing a CGI version (given the brief glimpse of an alien we see, I'm guessing the latter). Still this is yet another instance of a veteran Pixar director doing his first live action feature, so fingers crossed for Andrew Stanton. Plus I'm glad that it doesn't look like another Prince of Persia, that is it doesn't look like another action-comedy that Disney desperately wants to be their new Pirates of the Caribbean.

Still, this movie is a good 30 or 40 years overdue. I highly doubt it'll accumulate quite the cult following that the original Conan movie did, but we'll see.

(P.S. Dejah Thoris is wearing WAY to much clothing. Yeah yeah, Disney movie and all, but still that's kinda what she's known for, being basically nude. Besides, Mystique got away with it.)

Anarchy at the Movies: Transformers: Dark of the Moon

At least Green Lantern isn't the worst movie of the Summer anymore.