The Lunatic Fringe: Jurassic Park & When Kid's Movies Had Teeth

Remember back when kid's movies had some of the scariest moments in film history? Whatever happened to that?

Spoileriffic Movie Review: Star Trek Into Darkness

WARNING: Having enjoyed the freedom offered last time by ditching all attempts to remain vague, I am again packing a review with plot spoiling material. Leave the mystery boxes to JJ Abrams. Though seeing as this is JJ Abrams, you should by now that this movie has no secrets worth keeping. I leave it to your discretion

Spoilerrific Movie Review: Iron Man 3

WARNING: This review is loaded with spoilers. If you have not seen Iron Man 3 yet, do not read it. Seriously, you don't wanna read this. I had the movie spoiled for me and it suuuucked. Don't be like me. Stop reading this and get to the theater before some other asshole ruins it for you. Now. Go. Immediately.

Movie Review: Pain & Gain

It's amazing what Michael Bay can do when he actually likes his job.

Make no mistake, Pain & Gain is unquestionably Michael Bay's best work. By a lot. Even at his best, Michael Bay has never before been what you might call an artist. Certainly he had a distinctive style, but even his good movies were nothing more than glossed-up, market-tested uniformly produced blockbusters. Even the much-lauded insanity of Bad Boys II was a very standard sort of insanity (one need look no farther than the Crank series to see what truly insane action film-making looks like). He's essentially been the lowbrow counterpart to Roland Emmerick. Until now, he never had what every filmmaker needs to make a truly great film: passion.

Movie Review: Evil Dead (2013)

Horror remakes are not generally-liked. I realizing that's about as obvious an observation as noting that some people aren't terribly fond of puppy-killing, but it's true all the same. And if you ask most viewers what their problem with these films are, mostly likely the answer will contain the word "PG-13". People can't stand to see their favorite horror movies watered down. "It's not scary if you limit yourself, if you're not willing to go there" is the general sentiment. Fans of the originals want to see all of the blood-splattering and graphic carnage that so affected them the first time around, & are confident that horror remakes' consistent refusal to do so is the reason for their failure as films.

Evil Dead is proof that they were wrong. The gore was never the problem.

Movie Review: The Croods

 The Croods is a movie that is both better than expected yet still disappointing which are two things one cannot often say about the same film. On the one hand it has all of the studio Dreamworks' worst habits on display, a fact which was made pretty clear by the marketing. On the other hand, it shows some surprising awareness as to the vast potential of its own premise; never enough to take advantage of it, but enough to come frustratingly close to greatness. It's just good enough to make you wish it was better.

Movie Review: "Jack the Giant Slayer"/"Oz: The Great & Powerful"

 If you had told me that a 2010 movie by Tim Burton would be one of the most influential forces of the next few years of cinema, I never would've believed you. Burton had long past the point of predictability, just about everyone was sick of his schtick, and I was sure he had nowhere to go but down. But for whatever reason, Alice in Wonderland was a massive hit, so massive that ever since then making darker, action fantasy versions classic fairy tales have been in high demand in the industry. In the last two weeks, two such films have come out, so we're going to take a look at them both.