Rewriting the prequels

So a few days ago, I left a comment on this article from Cracked.com about missing opportunities in fiction. The article mentioned, among other things, the Star Wars prequels and made a suggestion as to how they could be improved. Now like the entire population of the planet (and 30% of Mars) I too have had my own little "what if the prequels were good" fan fiction fantasy, and figured I'd take that opportunity to post it in a comment. Said comment has gotten some really great feedback, so I figured I'd re-post it here:

From where I stand, Anakin's fall to the Dark Side needed to mirror Luke's near-fall to the Dark Side in the original trilogy. The seeds of that arc are there (losing his hand, killing Dooku, etc), but there's no real focus on them and they carry no real weight. The Dooku death scene should have been at the end of Episode II or III to, and it needed to be treated with a lot more gravitas. The whole point of finale of Return of the Jedi was that if Luke killed Vader, that was it. Game over. He's on the Dark Side. No going back. Revenge of the Sith needed a similar scene where Anakin is tempted and, unlike Luke, gives in.

Personally, I'd have done it like this: first we relocate and expand on Darth Maul's role. He's already visually the most memorable thing in these films, so let's make make him an actual character rather than just a disposable hitman. He'd be the main villain of either the second or third film. He's cold, ruthless, and fanatically devoted to Palpatine. And he has one goal: to force Anakin to kill him. This was his mission given by Palpatine. He must pursue and hound Anakin, attack and kill his loved ones, assault everything he cares about, until Anakin's rage is so great that he takes his vengeance. He'd essentially be Legato from Trigun, a villain whose aim is to die just to torment his nemesis that much more.

So Maul appears in film 2 out of nowhere. He's deadly, mysterious, and no one in the Jedi Order can seem to stop him. He attacks the main characters one by one, killing one or more of them. Have a likable but dispensable supporting character set up from the first film for Maul to kill, someone that we can afford to lose but would mourn their death. Maul fights Obi-Wan to a stand still, and, in the final straw, tortures and nearly kills Padme with Force lightning. In a rage, Anakin engages him, barely in control, as Maul taunts him, daring him, even begging him to kill him. Perhaps this is the fight, where Anakin loses his hand. And at long last, Anakin cannot take it anymore and screaming in rage, kills Maul, who meets his death with a sadistic smile. He has won. Anakin's soul belongs to Palpatine now. He is a Sith.

That's his actual fall. The third film would be Anakin accepting his role as Vader. After all, a good man doesn't just flip a switch and become evil overnight. Perhaps he goes into self-imposed exile, haunted by what he did, wrestling with the blackness in his soul. He's eventually approached by Palpatine, who forces him to see the reality of what he has become. He has taken a life in anger and he can never come back from that. He is no longer a Jedi.

And from there it can more or less structurally play out like Revenge of the Sith. Anakin wipes out the Jedi, confronts Obi-Wan, they fight, Anakin get's burned, etc.

Hope you enjoyed that. And yes, I realize the irony in writing about this when I just recently berated my readers for not getting off the Prequel hate bandwagon, but hey, I never said the films weren't a missed opportunity.

Anarchy at the Movies: John Carter

A movie about 50 years overdue...and it shows.

Next Time on the Lunatic Fringe...

A new episode of the Lunatic Fringe should be completed in a few weeks. In the meantime, enjoy this trailer.

The Geek Chorus #4: In Which I Defend Power Girl's Cleavage (While Trying Not to Sound like a Pervert)

DC Comics has gotten a lot of flack recently for their treatment of female characters, most of it very much deserved. The behavior of fan favorite characters like Starfire, Catwoman, & Harley Quinn since in relaunch last year have been more than just contrary to their previously established personalities, it's been outright degrading. These story decisions have resulted in considerable backlash from the online community, so it's understandable that the leadership of DC Comics would want to do something nominally pro-feminist to counter this and repair damage to their reputation. However, in the image above is their idea of making amends, they've clearly missed the point.

The Reviewaverse Saga Ep. 6

The 6th part of one of the most ambitious projects to be attempted by a reviewer is done...and I make a cameo! Seriously, this video is frellin' gorgeous, take a look.

The Geek Chorus #3: Confessions of an Ex-Prequels Fan

It's Friday. Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace has been 3D-ified & re-released. It's been almost 13 years since this film first came out. And in that time, from the looks of things, not a single goddamned thing has changed. The fans are still angry and bitter, still hurling insult after insult at George Lucas & his creations. After more than a decade, it seems they can still find more things they hate about the prequels and are determined to let the entire world know. I wouldn't be surprised to see a few people light aflame a few more effigies of Jar Jar Binks to mark the occasion. I once rode the very same bandwagon for many a year. But at this point in my life, I'm starting to wonder why. I've been in a generous mindset lately, striving to, in the immortal words of Abed from Community, "like liking things." In the spirit of that, I'd like to share with you my experience with these three movies, because frankly, they don't quite match those of your typical Star Wars fan.

"The Death & Return of Superman" Breakdown

So I've been hard at work writing the new Lunatic Fringe episode (I might take a day next weekend to review Ghost Rider 2, but aside from that finishing this is my goal for the month), when I come across this little video that's been circling the web. And since it is tangentially related to the last movie I reviewed, I figure than enough of an excuse for me to rant about it.

See, the screenwriter of Chronicle was Max Landis, the son of John Landis. Apparently Max is a comic book fan (seeing as he wrote Chronicle, that's not surprising). He is such a comic book fan in fact, that he apparently got angry enough about a comic to make a 15 minute short film about how much he hates a comic book. The object of his disdain is the 90's publicity stunt known as The Death of Superman and it's follow-up The Return of Superman, as well as that weird stuff that happened in between. Certainly not masterpieces, but considering some of the shit that the industry pulled during the 90's, The Death of Superman was one of the relatively less crappy in my opinion

Landis however, does not agree, and is willing to devote a significant amount of his time and resources to letting the world know. The video is overall pretty hilarious and well put together. However, Landis has billed this thing as "somewhat-mostly-accurate educational parody film" and it's that educational part I have beef with. All comedy aside, Landis does have an actual point to make, and the problem is that point is completely asinine. I probably should just ignore it and get on with my life, but it's been stuck in my head for the past few days, and honestly I just need to vent my thoughts so I can get back to work. So join me in this minute to minute breakdown of the entire film after the jump.