NOTE: If the audio quality of this video seems particularly bad at first, it is. At first. The main point of this video is that you will never have to accept quality that bad from my videos ever again, so please watch through the end, it gets better, I promise.
EDIT: The name "Rogue Reviews" has once again been changed, this time to "The Lunatic Fringe".
NOTE TO MY YOUTUBE SUBSCRIBERS: One change not mentioned in the video it that from now on I will be posting videos on youtube less and less. I will instead be uploading them onto Blip.tv and posting them here, on my blog. My youtube channel will be used primarily to post video trailers and notices as too when my reviews will be available. This change is being made for four reasons: 1) Youtube's video runningtime restrictions hinder me, 2) This way, there is less of a chance of false copyright claims, 3) The advertising revenue offered by Blip.tv will help fund my reviews, and 4) It is my long term goal to be a video reviewer on ThatGuyWithTheGlasses.com, and Blip.tv is their standard video format. If any of you are regular viewers of TGWTG.com, I urge you to visit their forum, where I regularly post my reviews is hopes of being recruited.
Monday, May 25, 2009
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
Movie Review: Star Trek (2009)
"This is not your father's Star Trek". No sh*t it's not. Here's my review for the new Star Trek film.
Part 1:
Part 2:
Saturday, May 9, 2009
Movie Review: The Ghosts of Girlfriends Past
Oh, come on! It's a Matthew McConaughey movie called "The Ghosts of Girlfriends Past"! It can't possibly by any good, right? Wait, it can? Whoa, didn't see that one coming. It's clear from the title that this is one of many, many, many films to steal, uh, I mean borrow the plot line from the Dickens classic. So you pretty much can guess the plot, "Don't tell me: McConaughey plays some douche bag playboy womanizer who doesn't respect women and doesn't believe in love or marriage, but his still secretly loves Jennifer Garner but he won't admit it, so three ghosts of his old girlfriends show up to make him reexamine his life, right?" Yup, that's pretty much it. Throw in his brother's wedding & Jacob Marley's stand in (Michael Douglas) in the form of his dead playboy uncle and that's more or less your plot.
The Pros: Um, you know what, I think we're better off doing the cons first this time.
The Cons: What, were you expecting cinematic excellent from a McConaughey film? You are a sad, strange little man. Anyway, this movie is many things but one thing it is not is unpredictable. Not that I was expecting it to be, I mean just the title is a warning that the story is as old as...well, Dickens. But still that does not excuse it. There's nothing that says they have to follow the plot scene for scene. It would've been great to see them shake things up a little, maybe make a romantic comedy without a happy ending for once. Well, I can dream can't I? CAN'T I?!
The writing is tolerable...at least half the time. The other half makes you want to bang your head against something very hard, or shoot yourself in the head with adamantium amnesia bullets, anything to erase the memory of what you just saw. For one thing, the logic behind the whole ghost thing is flimsy at best. None of them are actually ghost because they're not actually dead. At least the Ghost of Girlfriends Present (Noureen DeWulf) isn't, not to mention it's never explained whether she actually knows she's having this out-of-body experience in her normal life. Uncle Wayne (Jacob Marley stand in) is but with the Ghost of Girlfriends Past (Emma Stone) it's unclear. And the Ghost of Girlfriends Future (Amanda Walsh), well, doesn't seem to be anyone in particular, just the White Witch's less androgynous sister who shows up to be all Angel of Death-y.
The comedy is all either cliched or just plain not funny. There's the expected Dickens jokes, all of which are poorly executed. All of the wedding comedy troupes are here, from the slutty bridesmaids, to the blunt ex-military father-in-law & divorced in-laws, to the neurotic panicky bride. There were moments of humor that were so bad that they were funny again, but still, comic gold this ain't.
But the most fundamental problem I have with this film is with Jennifer Garner's character Jenny. She's McConaughey's (named Connor in this film) primary love interest, the girl he's known and loved since childhood, you know the drill (no pun intended). But here's the problem: When we go back in time and look at Connor's childhood, we discover that it's her fault he's like this in the first place! And that's no spoiler because this revelation isn't a plot point, it's a plot hole! She blew him off for the popular guy at their middle school dance even through she knew he was literally a split-second from asking her to dance (yes they were both already pretty much in love at this point), and they broke his heart, leading him to swear off love. And this issue is never brought up or confronted again. Jenny is treated as a total innocent who only half-heartedly owns up to her role in his emotional downfall once, when in actuality she's the shallow bitch who broke his heart. Sure she was young and immature then, but as I said, she never answers for or apologizes for it once.
The Pros, again: The reason I started with the cons is very simple: this is a bad film, there's just no getting around that. And when it it comes to it's pros, there's really no artistic merit here for me to point out. But despite all this, there was something at the core of this film that keep me from hating it. It's hard to describe. I can only call it heart. It's that indefinable part of cinema that can't be proved, only felt. Either you feel it or you don't. And despite all of it's flaws, this film, to me, had heart. I still hate Jenny. I still hate Matthew McConaughey. But some how this film managed to make me care about their relationship, even if I only cared about Jenny by default because Connor did (I know I had undying crushes on girls despite their being a bitch to me, so maybe this is just wish fulfilment). Of course, it could be it's just because it's nice to see the player get his just desserts. And even I had to smile at reformed Connor chasing down his brothers fiancee to save the wedding in a convertible to the tun of Elvis's "Burning Love".
The End: I have a confession to make: I don't watch a lot of romantic comedies, at least not the more recent ones. I'm a huge fan of the classic romantic comedies of the 30s & 40s, especially those starring Cary Grant. The man practically invented the genre, and consequently almost every modern romantic comedy borrows from him is some fashion, and as a result, they never do anything for me but to remind me there's a better movie I could be watching. So believe me, I'm really picky about my romance films. And if this thing could entertain me, trust me, there's something to it. And besides, you could do much, much worse.
Overall, I give The Ghosts of Girlfriends Past a Bronze Anarchy Coin.
Click here to visit the official website for The Ghosts of Girlfriends Past.
Movie Review: X-Men Origins: Wolverine
If I sound a little incoherant in this review, it's because the film seriously pissed me off. Watch the review to find out why.
Sunday, April 26, 2009
Movie Review: Crank 2: High Voltage
The ultimate video game movie that never was a video game is back with avengeance. Here's my review.
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
TV Review: Heroes "Turn and Face the Strange"
The Plot: (From TV.com) Someone close to Danko (Zeljko Ivanek) is put in the line of fire as he spearheads the anti-superhuman operation. Meanwhile, Noah's (Jack Coleman) marriage continues to crumble while Hiro (Masi Oka) and Ando (James Kyson Lee) continue their journey to save Matt (Greg Grunberg). Angela (Cristine Rose) faces some demons from her past.
The Review: Oh, how the mighty have fallen. What happened to you Heroes? You used to be cool. You were never perfect to be sure (I'm still not quite over you stealing the ending to Watchmen), but you were still one damn good show, at least in the first season. Your storytelling was second-to-none, you never failed to shock me, amaze me, and just generally keep me on the edge of my seat episode after episode. You maintained a genuine sense of menace week after week, something not a lot of shows or even films can claim. You were in line to become the next Lost.
Then came the second season. Ah, the controversy, how I adore the controversy. Most people hated the second season, and I really have neither the words nor reason to counter their arguments. I can only say that I personally enjoyed the second season. Sure it was bad, but it was still fun. It held my interest, it still managed to surprise me often enough, and I was never bored. Sure Hiro's time travel adventure was stupid and overdrawn. Sure Adam Monroe (David Anders) was an unmenacing villain with a boring, cliche master plan. But like I said, it still managed to maintain whatever it was that made me love the show to begin with.
But I say "whatever it was" for a very grim reason: I don't even remember why I watch this show anymore. The show has lost it, completely & utterly lost it. And the worst part is, I can't really figure out how. I can't pinpoint exactly what sucks about Heroes these days. I only know that the show has lost its spirit, its soul. It completely fails to make me give a crap. I just don't care anymore. I don't care what happens, who lives or who dies. I don't even bother to double check back stories when they refer to something I don't remember.
As I matter-of-fact, I barely remember what happened in this episode, nor would I care to look it up if I wasn't writing this review. OK, let's see here...blah blah blah, Sylar f*cks with random people, blah blah blah, speedster bitch can't act, I wish she would die, blah blah blah, Hiro makes an ass of himself, blah blah. Yep, just another typical Season 3 episode.
Seriously, once my two favorite characters, Hiro & Sylar, fail to keep my interest, you know it's hopeless. Hiro used to be so good-hearted and endearing. He was the Peter Parker of the Heroes universe, and one of the few characters who really qualified as a hero (seriously, a better name for the show would've been Powers, but that's taken). Now he's nothing more than comic relief, and what's worse, he's not even funny. Disney Channel would be ashamed to use his jokes. Even worse, Hiro isn't even a likable character anymore. He's a jealous rambling jackass who's now more concerned with getting his powers back than actually helping people. Apparently he's completely forgotten what a "hero" actually is, despite being the personification of it in the first season. Of course, I suppose there is the chance that this is an intentional set up for some character building storyline, but...I...bwahahahaha! Whoa, haha, I'm sorry, I thought I could say that with a straight face.
As for Sylar, well, I realize that he's always been insane, but before there was always a method to his madness. He was always working toward the same goal: power. He wants nothing but to steal every power he can get his hands on. Now...well, I have no idea what the hell he thinks he's doing. He's just making whatever random sh*t the plot requires him to at any given moment. I mean, what the hell was his point in trying to break up Noah Bennett's marriage? What, is he taking a page from the Mephisto Book of Evil? And what's with these idiotic Sylar music videos we're suddenly being subjected too? Suddenly I understand what people were complaining about in Watchmen.
Well, at least they finally got rid of the annoying, bratty teen sidekick (even though they denied us the pleasure for watching him suffer and die at Sylar's hands to make him pay for wasting our time). In fact the only joy I get out of this show anymore is watching Sylar murder characters I hate. The best moment of this season by far was when, after almost a season and a half of suffering through her annoying Smallville-style attempts at villainy, we finally got to see Elle Bishop (Kristen Bell) bite the dust. Oh, how I rejoiced as Sylar slowly and sadistically split her skull and her screams of agony filled my heart with vengeful glee, mwahahahaha! Good Sylar, now kill the speedster bitch whose name I won't even dignify by mentioning! We must cull the weak from the herd! We must remove the impure and leave only those in the crucible with the might to expand across the universe! EXTERMINATE!! EXTERMINATE!! EXTERMINAAATE!!!
TV Review: Castle "A Chill Goes Through Her Veins"
The Plot: (From TV.com) Castle (Nathan Fillion) and Beckett (Stana Katic) investigate the murder of a women found frozen and tangled in steel bars at a construction site. The case leads them to looking into an old case and also has Beckett thinking about some memories from her past.
The Review: Castle is officially my favorite show currently on TV. For starters, Nathan Fillion and Stana Katic are two of my favorite actors working today, as well as some of the most underrated. Nathan Fillion has been under-utilized since Firefly, but at least he enjoys modest fame as a geek culture icon (possibly the next Bruce Campbell). Stana Katic, on the other hand, has never really had a project of her own. her career thus far has consisted mainly of guest spots in various TV shows, though I know her best from her endearing and drop dead hilarious performance in The Spirit (seriously, she was the best part of the film). You might remember her as the Canadian spy chick from the end of Quantum of Solace, as well as that computer controlling Israeli girl who showed up in the first season of Heroes, only to disappear with no explanation. Both of them are always a joy to watch, and they bring their A-game to everything they do. And fortunately for this show, it turns out they have great chemistry with each other and do well together.
But more than great casting, this show has great...well, everything. The closest thing to a complaint I can come up with is that the buddy cop romance crime show has been done before...a lot. But this common & minor lack of originality never affects the quality of this show, at least not for me. Making one of the main characters a writer is a big bonus for me, being a writer myself. I can relate to how Richard Castle looks at the world. Poet Muriel Rukeyser once said "the universe is made of stories, not atoms", and there's not better way to describe Castle's (or my) thought process. He thinks outside the box, because he's always looking for inspiration, looking for a story. Sure it's pretty implausible that this would routinely lead to him to the truth of every murder week after week, but hey, that's TV for ya.
Castle has only aired five episodes so far, but so far it has never failed to thoroughly entertain me week after week. The humor, the mystery, the romantic tension, it's all great stuff. But this episode is one of the first to really brought the heavy stuff. When Beckett has to choose between letting a murderer go free or dividing a happy family forever, it's truly moving. Her character is one we still know little about, or didn't until this episode. And even though it seems the mystery of her past has more or less been revealed, some thing tells me there's more to it than she's telling us. Maybe it's just the writer in me.
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